I'm sorry for the pitchy melody :( This is as good as I could get after working on it for hours.
The melody and initial lyrics for this song popped into my mind around 3am one night. I liked the melody, but as I continued writing it I didn't feel that the lyrics weren't to the depth/authenticity that I wanted the song to be. I had chosen "despair" as my descriptor at the beginning of the semester to write my song on. Weeks later, the current lyrics started as a poem I came up with, also around 3 am. The content is pulled from probably the darkest time in my life during my junior year of college. My parents had temporarily separated and the pain from a past relationship returned to haunt me. I found myself feeling very alone, probably depressed, and wishing for a way out. Another relationship brought temporary light in the darkness, but quickly led to more betrayal and feelings of manipulation that ever before. Almost every night of my spring semester in 2017 I was up until 4 or 5am unable to fall asleep because my mind was so full of anxiety and regret. There was hardly a day I didn't cry or wish something horrible would happen to me so that could escape the pain. During this time, I experienced several nights of sleep paralysis where I literally thought I was dying. It felt like I was being pulled downwards and if I didn't fight to stay conscious, I would die. I was unable to move or scream. It was one of the most terrifying feelings I have ever experienced. Some of the lyrics from the first verse are pulled from this. Throughout this time I was crying out to God for help and bring me out of the dark that I was in. The second verse is more directly addressing the relationships I had been in and the brokenness I felt after they ended. The chorus and song title, Adorn, expresses how Christ in a sense "adorns" us in our pain. We grow in our faith and become deeper people through pain. I am now on the other side of this time in my life and I can truly say that I am grateful to God.